The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
