I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
