my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
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I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
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All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
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