I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
