I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
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