just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Randomize
