Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
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