That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
