I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
