also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
