i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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