3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I just forgot I was standing up.
I have aggressive nipples.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
