I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
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