TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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