I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
