i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
