Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
