On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
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i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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