I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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