some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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