I cockslap morals
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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