Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
