my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
