At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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