You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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