She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
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you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
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Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
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