What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
