My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
