i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
