just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
