It's like a parade of train wrecks.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
