Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
