Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
