New invention idea: vibrating tampons
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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