I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
