2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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