did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
