Only a mothe r could love this liver
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
