im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
