I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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