I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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