You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
