we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
