i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
