Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
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