we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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