would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Actions speak louder than pants.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
