I skipped work to stalk him.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
