so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
