What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Life without a bra equals bliss.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
