Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
