Nicole vs. Life
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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