yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
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Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
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hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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