I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
