There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Dear god my vagina.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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