Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
