It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
