how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
