Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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