...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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