you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Shame - the story of my life.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
