you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
