I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
