cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
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