I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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