I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
