I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
