The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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