At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
