shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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