just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
third nipple confirmed
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
