you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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