So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
