I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
