at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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