If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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