I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
