so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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