I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
